Sisters Who Are Strangers

 I'm not the only person who has known this situation– I have twin half-sisters I've never known. I've never talked to them, seen them, and didn't even know of their existence until I was a teen. And then it only became know because my long absent father had been approved for disability and had to declare his children as beneficiaries. That's when we learned that he had other children. 

I'm the oldest of them all. They've known about me and my (full) sister for many years. In fact, it seems they are in some contact with her, but not with me. It's a strange situation. Am I curious about them? A little. I know they are 10 years younger than me. They had an older brother, my half-brother, who I discovered, is now deceased. I never knew him either. 

The story goes back decades when my father went to work one day and never came home again. I was just three years old at the time and my sister not yet two. The marriage had probably never been a good one, and the family dynamics, as I understand them to be, were not contributive to building a strong marriage and family, but just the opposite.

We were living on the West Coast at the time, but after my father left, my mother took my sister and me and returned east to live. In retrospect, it was in our best interest that we had no physical contact with my father. I would not meet him until nearly 40 years later. As I would learn, he really had no boundaries. He was a sad specimen of a man, just an immoral shell of what he could have been had he had the strength of character to resist his temptations. 

After he came to visit a second time, my son went to stay with him for several months to attend a trade school where he lived. Son was able to talk with my half siblings, but he quickly sensed that there was no desire for them to know me or meet me. Wee, no hard feelings. You can really miss something or someone you've never known. But it still seems strange to have close family that has no interest in knowing other close family members. But I admit it would be awkward. 

Back to the twins– I was curious to know if my father was still living. After his visits I had finally been able to forgive him for abandoning me as a little girl. But I also knew there could be no future father-daughter relationship. Such was not possible due to his many problems. So searching the internet I found that, indeed, he had died, but so had my half brother. 

I contacted my sister's family to tell what I had found. I got a rather nonchalant reply. Oh, yes, they knew. The twins had let them know. I had some mixed feelings on learning that. So, they are in contact with my sister, who does live in the general area of the west where they also live. If my sister and her family knew, then why didn't they tell me? These are almost certainly answers I am very unlikely to get.

My sister was musically talented. She had a beautiful soprano voice. She could sing any harmony. We used to sing duets as teens. But her voice outshone mine. She was outgoing, involved in activities, while I has dealing with what is now referred to as social phobia. While we still had young children, she and her family moved out west, far from where I lived. Through the years contact has been sporadic. She has become a recluse. She doesn't stay in touch. She'll contact me and we'll communicate for awhile, then nothing for years. When our mother was dying, God answered my prayer that mom and sister would make peace before she passed, and they did. Sis and I stayed in contact for some years, then silence again. She didn't answer her phone, when I tried to call, so eventually I quit trying.

How is it that families can fracture so badly? I have no answers except that we each and every day decided what is important to us. I know that in some families, there are feuds and quarrels over things small and large. But that isn't the case here. I'm the one who cared for our mother in her final years. I asked my sister for nothing. I had instinctively known most of my life that that responsibility would fall on me. It was not an easy one, as mom was not an easy person to be around. 

So where does this all end? In a stalemate? I've learned to get on with life and living. I pray for them, knowing that I do not possess the ability to change the situation. But my phone number is known to the rest of them, and if they call, I'll answer, even if they have to leave a message. This is life, and it doesn't always go as we would like, but I've learned that God is the friend, the Father who never leaves or deserts us. He alone has the peace that passes all understanding.